02.21.2019

02.21.2019- So before I dive into this, I wanted to preface by sharing something new I’m planning on trying. Originally when I started this blog I had no interest in sharing anything about myself or my personal life. I considered it, but it wasn’t a priority. I’ve thoughtfully chosen to be a very private person, and intend to continue to be for the most part, but I think finding a creative outlet to express myself is what I need right now.

To start, I decided to run down a list of 30 “self discovery” questions(one at a time) that I found on Pinterest (cue the eye roll) and end with what the highlight of my day was, because I’d like to try to take away at least one good thing away from each day. As far as self discovery goes, I already feel I know who I am and the person I want to be, so I’m not looking at it as “self discovery.” I’ll alternate from these prompts to whatever else I feel like writing about in my day to day. I’m hoping that doing these brief entries will help me clear my mind and help me unload a bit. These entries are simply for my own sake, and if you’re interested in following along, feel free! I can't promise they’ll divulge intimate details and I can’t promise that they’ll always be organized or the most professional. I can’t promise they’ll be posted consistently (daily or weekly, I haven’t decided), although, I’m hoping they will. Lastly, I can’t promise they’ll be my best work, because I plan on writing them straight off the cuff. However, I can promise you’ll likely see most of my emotions (Imma still be choosy), sometimes the good and the bad. These won’t be instances of searching for compliments, validation, or sympathy, because again, these will just be a way for me to bring myself some clarity. So with that being said, I’ll begin this lil’ “journey.”

HOW DO YOU FEEL AT THE MOMENT?

In this moment, I feel more at ease than I have in the past few days. For the last week I feel like I’ve done nothing but constantly run around. I feel like I haven’t had time to keep up. My house was a disaster even though I swear I had just cleaned it, I felt like I was behind on a ton of tasks I had been meaning to do, and I felt anxious thinking about big upcoming events. Overall, I felt overwhelmed. Today I was able to sleep in a little, and make myself a little breakfast before I had to be out the door. Luckily, I was able to come home mid-day. I don’t know what came over me on this lovely “day off” but I knew I wanted to be productive. I did some MAJOR cleaning, worked on my computer, got some things put away and somewhat organized, did some grocery shopping, and cooked myself dinner (Chicken Tikka Masala…and it was amazing).

It’s days like this that make me wish I had an entire month to just get stuff done and get organized without interruption, but still get paid. It’s days like this where I truly enjoy peace and quiet, and being alone to wind down and just recharge. Sometimes I feel so guilty when I finally get a night to just be home alone. I feel like I should be making an effort to see friends or family but the reality is, I NEED time to myself. I need time to collect my thoughts, evaluate where I’m at and where I want to go, and ultimately, for lack of a better phrase, get my sh*t together (“Get your sh*t together Carol!”-Name that movie!). I’m starting to see this light at the end of the tunnel where I know things will change and get easier, but lately I feel so burnt out.

I love staying busy and I love having a plan, but at times, I burn the candle at both ends which causes me to shut down completely. There’s a side to me that is definitely an extrovert but that side has a limit, and when I hit it, I want to be home, I want to be comfortable, I want peace and quiet, and I want time for myself. That’s exactly what I got today. Between getting things done and having the house to myself for the majority of the day, I feel like I was able to regroup. I feel refreshed, relieved, and ready to restart tomorrow.

Highlight: My house is clean and I accomplished a lot.

Allison Rauscher1 Comment